Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
