I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
