I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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