Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Randomize
