Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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