youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
