Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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