I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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