I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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