Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
