Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
