My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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