She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
