nut hugger
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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