I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
