one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
