Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
