I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
