Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
