those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
