My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
