I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
