He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
