I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
