I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
