I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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