Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
