ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
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SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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