The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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