hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
