He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
