2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
