the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
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unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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