sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
