wrigley field is MILF paradise
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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