the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Houston, we have a squirter
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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