So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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