you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
