Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight