That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.