Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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