Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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