you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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