And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
