you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you win again, gameday.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My ass is underappreciated
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
