at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
