how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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