my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
