And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
