dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
