Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have tasted many bathrooms
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
