okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
