A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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