I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
