um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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