remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
