Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
