nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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