This girl is more easily done than said...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize