I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she pinky promised me she was 18
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
