In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
