your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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