Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
two words...techno handjob
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
