I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm sobbing to NWA
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
