I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
