Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
