I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
