oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
