you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
