so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
