Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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