I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
