I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
