i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
