I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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