it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize