singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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