i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
